Psalm 25: Dealing with Toxic People

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The first sentence in all Psalms is there to give us direction; who this Psalm is directed towards, what is the main idea in the Psalm and, if you want, it could even be seen as a label of how to keep the Psalms organised in a library. Some Psalms are for specific people, others are for specific times and topics. Here, it is a Psalm King David writes for himself. It is his own contemplation; his own meditative practice - a private journal entry of sorts. 

King David is facing an enemy of manipulators - he speaks of being forced to act in ways he would rather avoid, and of a tension between who will be put to shame - him or his enemies. Facing manipulative enemies can be a devastating experience as it attacks our grasp of reality and our ability to trust what we know as truth. 

When faced with what might have been gaslighting, manipulation, sharing, and perhaps a biblical version of ‘cancel culture’ - David turns to strengthen his trust not in his own perception of reality, but in the truth of G-d. For when one’s reality is put into question, the only way to not fall into the hands of your enemy is to get nearer to the ultimate truth - the Truth of the Divine. As David states the Psalm by declaring “My Lord, in You I trusted” and later asks: “G-d, make the course of Your action known to me, teach me Your conduct.” 

But learning to place our trust in G-d, in the midst of an attack on our very ability to trust other people, is an extremely difficult task to do. While it is the only one left for us to trust I such pained and lonely moments, we need to convince ourselves that this Divine energy is trustworthy. In the midst of life with narcissistic and psychopathic abusers all around, David needed to speak to the ‘selfish’ part of G-d to establish the trust he needed; David had seen people who are out to get their own way and are willing to manipulate and put to shame others to do so - to be able to trust G-d, David had to pray that G-d is not going to betray him as well. The only way to ensure that would be to pray that G-d helped David, for His own sake: “For the sake of Your goodness, G-d.” This is the starting point for King David’s ability to rebuild his trust in G-d, and later on, in other people.

Falling into a toxic or abusive relationship doesn't happen overnight. While there are some con-artists who could really put others to shame with their ability to manipulate reality and lie to people -- most toxic relationships come out of smaller manipulations of the truth by one side, while the other chooses to ignore it, not speak up, or let it go. What appears to be initially an attempt to maintain the peace between two people or within a situation, or even between nations, can quickly escalate to toxicity when the side that manipulated the truth saw their deed went unrecognized. This, in turn, functions as an invitation to test the boundaries further - leading to bigger manipulations, more lies, until one day truth is all but forgotten. 

In this Psalm, David highlights the importance of G-d as truth and justice. He also acknowledges that he had a role to play in the situation he now found himself in: “For the sake of Your name, G-d, May You forgive my transgressions, for they are many.” David does not hide from G-d as Truth. David faces truth head-on and by doing so, he sets himself on the path towards G-d, towards repentance; a path that ultimately opens David’s heart more and leads him towards a full Teshuva experience (as his later Psalms of praise testify). David asks of G-d to “see my torment and my effort, and lift all of my sins off of me.”

In the end, David ‘confirms’ with G-d: “Modest and honest You have made me, for my hope is for You.” David is saying -- I am that humble person that should be able to gain Your favour. With this last plea David asks his single prayer, on behalf of his people “G-d, redeem Israel from all its troubles.” Please, G-d, redeem all captives. Please, G-d, help me be the leader that can not fall prey to the manipulative forces of wrongdoers. Please, G-d, save Israel not only from enemies from outside, but also from the enemies within. A prayer that is very fitting for our times as well. 

לְדָוִ֡ד אֵלֶ֥יךָ ה’ נַפְשִׁ֥י אֶשָּֽׂא׃

For David,

To You, my G-d, I will raise up my soul.

אֱ‍ֽלֹקי בְּךָ֣ בָ֭טַחְתִּי אַל־אֵב֑וֹשָׁה אַל־יַֽעַלְצ֖וּ אֹיְבַ֣י לִֽי׃

My Lord, in You I trusted that I will not be shamed,

That I will not be forced to act in ways my enemies are taunting me to.

גַּ֣ם כָּל־קֹ֭וֶיךָ לֹ֣א יֵבֹ֑שׁוּ יֵ֝בֹ֗שׁוּ הַבּוֹגְדִ֥ים רֵיקָֽם׃

Even when all-hope is Yours they have no shame,

They will disgrace these betrayers who deceive in vain.

דְּרָכֶ֣יךָ ה’ הוֹדִיעֵ֑נִי אֹ֖רְחוֹתֶ֣יךָ לַמְּדֵֽנִי׃

G-d, make the course of Your action known to me,

Teach me Your conduct. 

הַדְרִ֘יכֵ֤נִי בַאֲמִתֶּ֨ךָ ׀ וְֽלַמְּדֵ֗נִי כִּֽי־אַ֭תָּה אֱלֹקי יִשְׁעִ֑י אוֹתְךָ֥ קִ֝וִּ֗יתִי כָּל־הַיּֽוֹם׃

Guide me in Your Truths and teach me,

For You are the Lord of my salvation,

For You I longed in hope every day.

זְכֹר־רַחֲמֶ֣יךָ ה’ וַחֲסָדֶ֑יךָ כִּ֖י מֵעוֹלָ֣ם הֵֽמָּה׃

Remember Your compassion, G-d, and Your righteousness,

For they are primordial. 

חַטֹּ֤אות נְעוּרַ֨י ׀ וּפְשָׁעַ֗י אַל־תִּ֫זְכֹּ֥ר כְּחַסְדְּךָ֥ זְכָר־לִי־אַ֑תָּה לְמַ֖עַן טוּבְךָ֣ ה’׃

The sin of my youth and my vices do not remember,

As Your loving-kindness actions, remember me,

For the sake of Your goodness, G-d.

טוֹב־וְיָשָׁ֥ר ה’ עַל־כֵּ֤ן יוֹרֶ֖ה חַטָּאִ֣ים בַּדָּֽרֶךְ׃

G-d is good and honest,

Therefore He will help me see sins along the way.

יַדְרֵ֣ךְ עֲ֭נָוִים בַּמִּשְׁפָּ֑ט וִֽילַמֵּ֖ד עֲנָוִ֣ים דַּרְכּֽוֹ׃

He will guide people of humility in the ways of justice,

And will teach people of humility His ways.

כָּל־אָרְח֣וֹת ה’ חֶ֣סֶד וֶאֱמֶ֑ת לְנֹצְרֵ֥י בְ֝רִית֗וֹ וְעֵדֹתָֽיו׃

All the ways of G-d are loving-kindness,

And truth will safeguard His covenant and those who testify in His name.

לְמַֽעַן־שִׁמְךָ֥ ה’ וְֽסָלַחְתָּ֥ לַ֝עֲוֺנִ֗י כִּ֣י רַב־הֽוּא׃

For the sake of Your name, G-d,

May You forgive my transgressions, for they are many.

מִי־זֶ֣ה הָ֭אִישׁ יְרֵ֣א ה’ י֝וֹרֶ֗נּוּ בְּדֶ֣רֶךְ יִבְחָֽר׃

Who is the man who fears G-d and will direct us in his chosen path?

נַ֭פְשׁוֹ בְּט֣וֹב תָּלִ֑ין וְ֝זַרְע֗וֹ יִ֣ירַשׁ אָֽרֶץ׃

His soul will rest well at night, 

And his seed will inherit the land.

ס֣וֹד ה’ לִירֵאָ֑יו וּ֝בְרִית֗וֹ לְהוֹדִיעָֽם׃

The secret of G-d will given to those who see Him with awe,

His covenant will be announced to them.

עֵינַ֣י תָּ֭מִיד אֶל־ה’ כִּ֤י הֽוּא־יוֹצִ֖יא מֵרֶ֣שֶׁת רַגְלָֽי׃

My eyes are always directed towards G-d,

For He will release my feet from this web [of lies and manipulations]

פְּנֵה־אֵלַ֥י וְחָנֵּ֑נִי כִּֽי־יָחִ֖יד וְעָנִ֣י אָֽנִי׃

Turn to me and absolution,

For I am alone and I am poor [impoverished].

צָר֣וֹת לְבָבִ֣י הִרְחִ֑יבוּ מִ֝מְּצֽוּקוֹתַ֗י הוֹצִיאֵֽנִי׃

The narrowness of my heart as widened,

Draw me out from my misery.

רְאֵ֣ה עָ֭נְיִי וַעֲמָלִ֑י וְ֝שָׂ֗א לְכָל־חַטֹּאותָֽי׃

See my torment and my effort,

And lift all of my sins off of me.

רְאֵֽה־אוֹיְבַ֥י כִּי־רָ֑בּוּ וְשִׂנְאַ֖ת חָמָ֣ס שְׂנֵאֽוּנִי׃

Look at my enemies, for they have increased,

And with a cruel animosity they hate me.

שָׁמְרָ֣ה נַ֭פְשִׁי וְהַצִּילֵ֑נִי אַל־אֵ֝ב֗וֹשׁ כִּֽי־חָסִ֥יתִי בָֽךְ׃

Guard my soul and save me,

So I will not be put to shame,

For I took shelter in You.

תֹּם־וָיֹ֥שֶׁר יִצְּר֑וּנִי כִּ֝֗י קִוִּיתִֽיךָ׃

Modest and honest You have made me,

For my hope is for You.

פְּדֵ֣ה אֱ֭לֹקים אֶת־יִשְׂרָאֵ֑ל מִ֝כֹּ֗ל צָֽרוֹתָיו׃

G-d, redeem Israel from all its troubles.