Psalm 39: The Deep Awakening

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This Psalm describes King David’s deep awakening process. In the midst of his prayer and attempt to repent for his sins, David is being taken in by G-d and reaching his full Teshuvah process. This Psalm is King David’s song of Teshuvah.

David makes peace with the idea of his death. He is overwhelmed by the energies that have entered his being. He feels infinitesimally small when he breaks through the reality of matter and starts seeing how insignificant we all are in comparison to the infinite and inclusive reach of G-d. 

This process is so consuming that David asked for it to stop; asking G-d to leave him alone before the process of a full Teshuva causes him to die.  

לַמְנַצֵּ֥חַ לידיתון [לִֽידוּת֗וּן] מִזְמ֥וֹר לְדָוִֽד׃

For the conductor,

for opening the path for awakening,

a song for David

אָמַ֗רְתִּי אֶֽשְׁמְרָ֣ה דְרָכַי֮ מֵחֲט֪וֹא בִלְשׁ֫וֹנִ֥י אֶשְׁמְרָ֥ה לְפִ֥י מַחְס֑וֹם בְּעֹ֖ד רָשָׁ֣ע לְנֶגְדִּֽי׃

I had said I will guard my ways from sins,

I will guard my tongue, block my mouth,

when evil comes up against me.

נֶאֱלַ֣מְתִּי ד֭וּמִיָּה הֶחֱשֵׁ֣יתִי מִטּ֑וֹב וּכְאֵבִ֥י נֶעְכָּֽר׃

I became speechless and silent,

I felt better and my pain became dull.

חַם־לִבִּ֨י ׀ בְּקִרְבִּ֗י בַּהֲגִיגִ֥י תִבְעַר־אֵ֑שׁ דִּ֝בַּ֗רְתִּי בִּלְשֽׁוֹנִי׃

My heart became hot inside of me,

When I meditate a fire burns,

My speech was spoken in my language.

הוֹדִ֘יעֵ֤נִי ה’ ׀ קִצִּ֗י וּמִדַּ֣ת יָמַ֣י מַה־הִ֑יא אֵ֝דְעָ֗ה מֶה־חָדֵ֥ל אָֽנִי׃

G-d has informed me of my end and the length of my days,

What is it that I have come to know? What is it that ceases me?

הִנֵּ֤ה טְפָח֨וֹת ׀ נָ֘תַ֤תָּה יָמַ֗י וְחֶלְדִּ֣י כְאַ֣יִן נֶגְדֶּ֑ךָ אַ֥ךְ כָּֽל־הֶ֥בֶל כָּל־אָ֝דָ֗ם נִצָּ֥ב סֶֽלָה׃

Here You have nurtured and given me my days,

My world is like nothing before You,

Indeed every breath, every human, stands wholesomely strong.

אַךְ־בְּצֶ֤לֶם ׀ יִֽתְהַלֶּךְ־אִ֗ישׁ אַךְ־הֶ֥בֶל יֶהֱמָי֑וּן יִ֝צְבֹּ֗ר וְֽלֹא־יֵדַ֥ע מִי־אֹסְפָֽם׃

Indeed in Your image men will stroll,

Indeed in Your breath we are becoming, 

Consuming and not knowing who will collect them.

וְעַתָּ֣ה מַה־קִּוִּ֣יתִי ה’ תּ֝וֹחַלְתִּ֗י לְךָ֣ הִֽיא׃

And now, what did I hope for?

Lord, my essence is for You.

מִכָּל־פְּשָׁעַ֥י הַצִּילֵ֑נִי חֶרְפַּ֥ת נָ֝בָ֗ל אַל־תְּשִׂימֵֽנִי׃

From all my sins I was saved,

Do not place me in disgrace of wickedness.

נֶ֭אֱלַמְתִּי לֹ֣א אֶפְתַּח־פִּ֑י כִּ֖י אַתָּ֣ה עָשִֽׂיתָ׃

I became speechless,

I will not open my mouth,

for You have created.

הָסֵ֣ר מֵעָלַ֣י נִגְעֶ֑ךָ מִתִּגְרַ֥ת יָ֝דְךָ֗ אֲנִ֣י כָלִֽיתִי׃

Remove from over me Your touch,

From the rebuke of Your hand I was consumed to my core.

בְּֽתוֹכָ֘ח֤וֹת עַל־עָוֺ֨ן ׀ יִסַּ֬רְתָּ אִ֗ישׁ וַתֶּ֣מֶס כָּעָ֣שׁ חֲמוּד֑וֹ אַ֤ךְ הֶ֖בֶל כָּל־אָדָ֣ם סֶֽלָה׃

In rebuke over wrongdoings You have tortured a men,

And his craving You will melt as moth,

Yet every breath, in every man is eternally complete.

שִֽׁמְעָ֥ה־תְפִלָּתִ֨י ׀ ה’ וְשַׁוְעָתִ֨י ׀ הַאֲזִינָה֮ אֶֽל־דִּמְעָתִ֗י אַֽל־תֶּ֫חֱרַ֥שׁ כִּ֤י גֵ֣ר אָנֹכִ֣י עִמָּ֑ךְ תּ֝וֹשָׁ֗ב כְּכָל־אֲבוֹתָֽי׃

You heard my prayer, Lord, and my cry,

Listen to my tears, do not silence them,

For I am a dweller within You, repenting like all of my fathers,

הָשַׁ֣ע מִמֶּ֣נִּי וְאַבְלִ֑יגָה בְּטֶ֖רֶם אֵלֵ֣ךְ וְאֵינֶֽנִּי׃

Take this repentance from me, so I can look away,

Before I die and cease to be. 

ידיתון 

There is a Jewish saying that if you open up the tiniest crack of faith and desire to repent, he will find it, and enter through that to help you return to Him. ידיתון (Yedutun) is believed to be a name of one of the Leviets prophets that lived in the time King David lived, or a musical instrument. In this translation, Yeditun is interpreted as a small opening lever. In both Psalm 39 and Psalm 77, it is used when turning to the conductor as if saying - this song holds the lever of G-d reaching down to me and taking me under His wing.